"so let it burn let it hurt, even more than I deserve"

 My nights since you consist of feeling sick,wanting to puke.  
        I pray, one day you'll see me through lenses of clarity, through your fog and distance.  
  Then I lay down, stare at the ceiling and turn the lamp on and off several times, thinking that one of those times I will see you there. You would be there, laying next to me, kissing me.  
   I gota remember, let it go, roll right off my mind like sweat from worrying. you worry me. 
  Thinking i'm fine, then I have no strength to look you in the eyes. I would rather be burning in a fire then to look you in the eyes one more time. You hurt like a bomb stuck in the bottom of my stomach. I'd rather let it blow me to pieces then to hear one more lie from you. I hate the thing you've become, you think It's cool, I think it's a mistake. I think it's a fail. I think someone really screwed up this time, and it'll never go back. It's sad, I feel like you've died, I will NEVER see you the same.  
              RIP braden, the one I love. I refuse to remember you.