What I didn't realize

I use to want you to be mad, depressed. I useto want you to feel useless. I wanted you to hurt. Right now I see how useless and horrible that sounds and is. I want to apologize for it. I want to tell you that I realize now you are hurt as much as ive ever known and I have no reason to increase that. I said that I loved you and if I really did I would have been there for you. I don't know if we will ever communicate again. I do know that I don't love you and I shouldn't have said so, im sorry. I hope one day you grow in happiness, that you see life like I do. I pray you accept Jesus as your savior and God as your creator. I also hope you find her, it may hurt me to say so. I can't say you treated me well but you deserve a special someone, everyone does. I hope you learn respect and love(: thank you.