Haunted love.

The nightmares stir in the memories with my fears.
When he creeps in like a mosquito sucking the dream out and leaving the nightmare.
Killing the purpose of moving on. Sending me back to the beginning.
& when dreams become reality what do nightmares become?
At night when I don't plan to see you, why don't i just tell you how I feel? 
I hate you, I abuse you, I scream at you, and that's because it's what I wish I could do.
I wish I could do that and not care how it makes you feel.
I wish you would leave me alone, but not really.
The hate is my convincing masquerade. I will dance around you with the ghosts of the pain.
I will scream that I don't want you here but when you decide to leave the party, I will follow you out.
When you come back in, I won't ever show you what is hiding under the mask under the deep black dress.
You know me already, I'd die just to kiss you again. I'd swim to the middle of the ocean just to hug you one last time. I'd join you in prison just to see your eyes look at me with that love.. that isn't so real after all. It's the haunted love that we feel. The one that confuses us and tells us we would do anything for eachother but turns us into zombies. Love zombies, we take over eachother and we bite at eachother eating every part of eachothers life until we are all we have.. 
I'm not missing you, I am missing your laugh. I'm not missing what we had, I'm missing the touch we had.